Jack the Giant Slayer (2013) Film Review

You know the story of Jack and the Beanstalk? Jack is dumb and poor and trades his cow for a handful of magic beans that his mother throws out the window and in the mornign a beanstalk has grown to the sky, and so Jack climbs it and steals a whole bunch of stuff from them and then he cuts it down and the giant dies. Well, let’s rewrite this a bit. First, the giants have attacked the world once and were driven off by a king wearing a magic crown and have remained above the clouds for a really long time. But now, due to a couple of silly mistakes and the scheming of the nasty Roderck (Stanley Tucci), there is the chance for the giants to return. It ends up being up to the kings men, notably Elmont (Ewan McGregor) and Crawe (Eddie Marsan), helped by Jack (Nicholas Hoult) who was saving Princess Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson) to kick the giants’ butts.

I totally should have loved this more. Apart from Stanley Tucci, Ewan McGregor, Nicholas Hoult and Eddie Marsan, all of whose performances I generally really enjoy, there was Ewen Bremner, Ian McShane and Warwick Davis. The story should have been good enough to carry me along. Yet there was something lacking. Something that I just didn’t love. Was it that yet again, there was only one female character? And that while she had a bit of personality, essentially she was just another princess waiting to be rescued? Or did it all just feel a bit forced?

 

Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014) Film Review

Why did I not think that a film based on an Old Testament story would be like Sunday School? And quite frankly, while I enjoyed Sunday School at the time, personally I’ve had enough.

So, Moses (Christian Bale) and Ramses (Joel Edgerton) grew up as brothers despite only Ramses being the son of Seti (John Turturro). Then there is a prophecy and Moses ends up discovering his true heritage – he is a Hebrew, and all of the Hebrews are slaves. So, he gets banished and then comes back, with the help of a little boy who is God, to free his people.

The odd thing about this film was that it both bored me and lost me when it skipped large blocks of time with little explanation. The cast is impressive: not only the three mentioned above, but also Aaron Paul, Ben Mendelsohn (who was, by far, the highlight of the film), Sigourney Weaver, Ben Kingsley and Ewen Bremner. Yet yawn. Boring, long, and jeepers, I did not like Christian Bale in the role of Moses. Though, I think I may be realising that I am not a huge fan of Christian Bale. I fully expect him to prove me wrong in the future.

I think if you are into Religious Epic films, you will probably like this. I think if you are not religious and don’t mind a bit of an epic, you might like it. If you are religious, you may like it, although you may be like Egypt and Morocco and ban it because it is not historically accurate. What I would say is that even the most spectacular frog plague and the magnificent rejoining of the parted Red Sea did not make up for the yawnfest.

Snowpiercer (2013) Film Review

In a bid to combat global warming, a chemical was released into the air. It worked too well, killing all life on the planet except the people and animals who were on the Snowpiercer, a very long train with an eternal engine that moves non-stop. The lower class of the rear carriages are sick of being fed protein jelly, and start a revolt against the upper classes in a bid for survival.

I was very surprised to like this film as much as I did. It is extremely violent, a very ugly violence, but it is just a bit more than an action film set on a train. Perhaps it is because it is a South Korean production, or based on a French graphic novel. Some of the performances were quite good, but many were pretty average. I think if you are after a slightly depressing film with stunning shots and graphic violence, this could be the film for you. Oh, and did I mention Tilda Swinton? No? Wow. What a magnificently horrid character.

Pearl Harbor (2001) Film Review

Rafe (Ben Affleck) and Danny (Josh Hartnett) were best mates through childhood, and ended up fighter pilots together in the US military. Rafe met a nurse, Evelyn (Kate Beckinsale) and fell in love, but then went to Europe to fight for the allies. It seemed he was dead, then Evelyn fell in love with Danny. But, Rafe turns up and things get bit awkward. Luckily, before anyone has to deal with their feelings, the Japanese attack Pearl Harbor and everyone is a bit busy. At the end of the attack, heaps of people are dead, but not Danny, Rafe or Evelyn. So they still need to deal with their issues. But then there is more.

There are heaps of films I haven’t seen but intend to for a variety of reasons. For me, Pearl Harbor was one, purely because it has a reputation for being a terrible film. And oh, it is so terrible! There is a pretty fabulous cast, Alec Baldwin, Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, Ewen Bremner, Jennifer Garner, Jon Voight, Michael Shannon, Dan Ackroyd, Tom Sizemore, Cuba Gooding Jnr… And there are some pretty fabulous special effects. But I guess, with all they spent on all of that, they should have spent a bit more on scripting. It goes from being extremely average to being just plain terrible.

Pearl Harbor won an Oscar for Best Sound Editing

 

Match Point (2005) Film Review

Chris Wilton (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) was a professional tennis player, travelling the circuit but not getting through to the finals. He decides to retire to London, taking on a coaching role at an exclusive health club. There, he meets Tom Hewett (Matthew Goode), striking up a friendship and quickly becoming a part of his family. Chris dates Chloe (Emily Mortimer), Tom’s sister, with the blessing of her parents Alec (Brian Cox) and Eleanor (Penelope Wilton). However when he meets Nola Rice (Scarlett Johansson), Tom’s American actress fiancé, an obsession develops. A very dangerous obsession.

I really don’t like Woody Allen onscreen. Luckily, he is not in Match Point, and there is no character like the typical Woody Allen character either. I didn’t mind the film, although it seemed a bit long and rambling. The really interesting stuff happens in the last forty minutes or so, and had there been more of this part, I think I’d have enjoyed it more. As it was, I didn’t mind it. Didn’t love it, but didn’t mind it.